The Assault Of The Critic – The Saints Counter!

‘Sinner’ TP is justified in his outburst against the tirade of the ‘so called’ food critics. No, I am not patronizing my friend, but just letting it be, since he is definitely one of the them who has been affected by one too many Critic.

I have however no such inhibitions. In fact I realized it way too early in my career that I was getting into a career, which any Tommy, Dick or Harry can get into a debate on and also give expert opinions on. I took it in my stride and let the tongues wag. I would let them go ahead & describe what the most ideal pastry should be like. They would just go berserk with their yapping & while all this happens I present him a pastry. It’s silence after that for some time. I had heard what he likes & had incorporated them all into that small piece of culinary art. It’s just a smile after that.  I had learnt that good chefs speak less & listen more! That but isn’t the virtue a ‘critic’ brings to the table. 

The ‘Critic’ infact is a wrong term coined by the media in recent times to denote someone who actually does the tough job of scanning the markets for interesting food & beverage outlets, concepts & combinations & trends. They then run the terrible risk of consuming them earlier than most (now that’s treading uncharted territories) & reporting their version of the experience. In a way they act as a EWS (Early Warning System) in our trade.

In an experience based industry there’s yet to come up a more authentic way to present the fares of a restaurant than to get genuine people to write about their personal experiences. Genuine people do write, but only on the comments cards of the restaurant & the world cares two hoots about it. In more recent times some more boisterous souls post things online about their culinary adventure for two reasons. One; to tell people that he/she was there.  Two: to get people to believe it that he/she could afford to be there. Well, fact is neither the comment card nor the facebook post reaches 200,000 people on a guaranteed basis. Unless the person tweeting is King Khan himself, but when he does it, people do take notice. However shortly after the Khan’s gone the owner of the restaurant is seen with his pants down & the world gets more reasons to gossip about orientations and the cost of being in business.  Actually the cost of that one tweet or pic weighs too much for the buckles to hold up the trousers.

So you are back to where we started from. With the Food Critic. For the only other thing with some kind of credibility attached in our country is the media.  As a marketing man I have gone scouting to many a publication only to invite its ‘food critics’ to come & report our fare. Undoubtedly a positive report has lead to higher awareness of your product & a significant increment in the demand for your fare.

Does doing that much transform a Food Reporter/Correspondent into a food critic though? NAY!!! To be a critic means a whole lot more. To criticise someone (positively of course) one must have through knowledge of the subject, which unfortunately most food critics don’t. That’s what my friend ‘the sinner’ is blaring out loud. So is he wrong in saying that? Well if he is, then so are all the others in the media. For doing the same job of reporting news from main streams like politics and business, you still call the journalist a reporter or a correspondent. It somehow doesn’t seem to make them neither a ‘political critic’ nor a ‘business critic’.

Food is a matter of personal preferences and it’s a known fact that preferences changes with time. During my stints in Dubai & Abu Dhabi, I used to find my options very limited being a vegetarian. What were available were just Falafel Rolls with pickled vegetables & Zaatar Bread. Both have very unique tastes. On day one I liked neither. However as time progressed & I was forced to eat them time and again, I developed a taste for them. Now, if I were a critic I would have trashed it on day 1 and sang songs about it on day 40. Fact is the dishes remained the same only my opinion had changed. 40 days into the land I had understood the geography of the place & realized how difficult it was to grow vegetables in that arid land. I then suddenly developed a lot of respect for the locals who understood the sensibilities of the few vegetarians in their country & putting up something on the menu, so that we dint go to bed hungry. Now, I wasn’t appreciating the food as much, but it was the thought behind the effort that seemed stupendous. It’s these finer aspects of a cuisine that critics minus in-depth understanding of cuisines lack. 

The emotion a Chef goes through when you compare his food with someone else’s is very similar to that of mothers, if you compare her child with someone else’s. Besides Food Critics must know that there’s an upcoming breed of ‘media critics’ on the anvil ;-) and as King Khan famously said “no great movie was ever made by a critic”. 

Serious critics must spend 2 days in a restaurant set up to be able to understand the business they comment on for a living & more. Let the 1^st day be in a tandoori kitchen preferably in MAY or JUNE here in Delhi NCR. On the 2^nd day just spend some time with the promoters and finance guys to understand the crazy maze of legal and bureaucratic  processes that the industry is made to endure just to be in business. It’s good to be in the know and write about what goes behind putting up the show that you see.

Such content however neither raises eyebrows, nor increases TRP’s. If that’s the only look out though, god be with you!

It was the Sinner 1^st & now the Saint has also keyed in his take on “the assault of the critics”. As the Saint & the voice of reason, I would like your comments whether the food critic is a bane or a boon to our business.

Cheers............. DK (The Saint)

Every Saint Has A Past & Every Sinner Has A Future !

 

The Assault of the Critic - The Sinner's Venom !

Food, like Sex, is an area where, everybody thinks he/she is an Expert!

 Everybody seems to have a huge body of personal experiences to dig into and come out with, just that little thing that would make the experience, infinitely more enjoyable! Most, sincerely believe, that, their insights would prove to be invaluable for lesser mortals, with ‘milder’ sensory powers, to be able to truly appreciate both.

While Internet’s reach and ease of use, gave unparalleled and bludgeoning growth to the Sex industry; Social Media, provided the perfect platform as well as audience for the growth of Food Experts, but they somehow didn’t affect the Food Industry positively.

So anybody, who could afford lunch at an eatery, suddenly, became an expert and had a voice. They could write about this all over Facebook, Twitter, or closer to home, Burrp, Zomato or Tripadvisor! These writings, sometimes, found an audience online and definitely drew some response from the Food establishment. Sites like Zomato and Tripadvisor, even gave them online designations depending on the number of ‘reviews”, like Foodie, Big Foodie and Super Foodie! Tripadvisor has titles like, reviewer, top reviewer and Top contributor etc.!! Thus these set of highly encouraged experts, became, compulsive commentators on food and Restaurants, with scant regard to accuracy or quality.

Food establishments, soon, woke up to the fact that, this could be turned into a viable marketing medium. They thus employed their marketing teams and PR agencies to keep flooding these sites with fake reviews and experiential stories. Thus, online reviews soon became ‘noise’ and could not be distinguished between genuine or “plants”. The above mentioned ‘mortals’, now became, further befuddled and even less illuminated. Their ‘mild’ sensory powers now, became ‘muted’!

 Newspapers and Periodicals, immediately, took upon themselves the responsibility of ‘educating’ the ignorant populace about the finer aspects of dining and food.  They decided to stand out from the din and employ ‘Food experts’ who would get a weekly slot and a small purse to go and experience Hotels and Restaurants. The criteria for qualifying for the job?.. well,  good writing skills and…. and ,   that’s pretty much it! These new breed of ‘critics’ were often, young 20 something’s, with an air of superiority, a fake accent and an attitude, that would evoke a violent reaction from any normal self-respecting Chef! They are usually completely oblivious to the sheer hard work and perseverance that goes into putting together the restaurant. Not to mention, the financial burden, political/ bureaucratic manipulations and difficult legal tussle that the poor investor has to endure.

Thus was born the New-Age Food Critic! The Official, Self-proclaimed Food Expert!

As a Restaurant professional, I have scant regard for these ‘critics’. I hate the fact that, these self-proclaimed custodians of good dining, potentially, could write out eloquent obituaries for restaurants, just because, they wield the power to do so!  The writings are also often, quite shallow, error-ridden and more narrative than actual insights! Food writing is often just ‘tasting and reporting’ and focused simply, on meeting the word limit or time deadline!  Worse still, they may also depend on how deep the beneficiary restaurateur’s pockets are!! This breed of food critics seldom understand the importance or even the impact of the décor, ambience, lighting levels, music, smiling service or even a tiny little gesture, that could make a dining experience memorable! Normally the dishes that these critics ‘trash’ are works of passion by a diligent chef, who slogged his backside to get it right.

I look back wistfully, at the times when Food critics were widely travelled, highly respected Gourmets, who would have possibly been to distant lands to merely sample the local fare.  The Michelin star classifications or a diamond rating is still highly coveted today, purely because, of the quality of food inspectors and critics. I am often extremely nostalgic about the times when food criticism was an art and not a ‘job’ with a deadline. A truly, good critic, in my opinion, would visit a restaurant a number of times before writing about them. They would normally offer delightful insights about the dining experience that could even be at times philosophical.

Everyone has the right to an opinion, but not to express it, requires sense and sensibilities, which few people have !

"Every Saint has a Past and Every Sinner has a Future "

The Gym Brigade - The Sinner's Venom !

Gym is a noun and not a verb! Workout is the verb associated with gyms. Anybody who understands the difference, understands the importance of the Gym. Going to Gym is not the qualifier  here,  while actively working out is!

Modern lifestyles, pollution, mechanization, junk (Fast) food, rampant abuse of everything natural and organic, have given birth to problems and diseases that were relatively unknown or rare earlier. Heart conditions, Back problems, respiratory problems, cancers, diabetes, kidney stones, blood pressures, vitamin deficiencies,  take your pick and you will probably be fighting  at least one.

Technology had made our lives easier,... or has it really??  When was the last time you climbed a couple of flight of stairs? or maybe just ran for a short distance ( maybe to catch a bus)?  when was the last time you stood in a queue? or gone to the local market in scorching sun ( vitamin D)? Imagine navigating through an airport without travellators and escalators !! Imagine washing your own clothes without a washing machine , or  even cleaning your own car... It has been conclusively proven that there is a direct connect between all these factors and the current spew of  ailments.

   

In times that we are living in, open fields, playgrounds, access to stadiums and swimming pools etc. are seriously limited to the fortunate few, who either have the financial muscle or proximity to these facilities. For others, there is the neighborhood Gym! Even with the 'biological residue' or 'dingy basements'  as, my very learned friend points out, I would take it, any day.   Not everybody can afford the swanky gyms on the high street or the star hotel.  I much rather take my chance with these biological residue than fighting a chronic back ailment. Of course I shall give them a sermon on basic hygiene standards.

In my humble opinion,  as far as Gym-habits go, most people can be divided into four categories.

Category A :    The Dumbass " Gymmer" .. these category goes to the gym for reasons that are completely " un reasonable".  These are boys and girls who idolize some celebrity with a great body, and hit the gym hoping to build a body like them. These category, chooses the most fancy gyms, pays extra for personal trainers, consume all kinds of body building 'powders" steroids included, in their quest to get the results as quickly as possible. . In their steroid-induced dumbness , they would spend hours in front of a mirror , flexing muscles, mapping each millimeter of muscle gain,  walking around with t-shirts that their kids should fit into, and post their  intolerable pictures all over social media. Again the Brown-bread, egg white consumers are these category. Their only, I repeat, ONLY expectation from this whole exercise is to somehow look good enough to attract some equally dumbass member of the opposite sex.  These are the variety who does everything  DK , said and more...

Category B  :  The Kick Ass "Gymmer"....  Now these are your serious gymmers. They do not care about the quality of the gym and the equipment , but only about the quality of the 'work-out" . This category worships their own body and counters all the abuse and the ill-effects of the modern day lifestyle by trying to fight them.... by staying fit . They understand the importance of  balance in 'R-E-D'..  In Gym parlance, it stands for  Rest-Exercise-Diet. These are the category who will be very cautious about what they put into their mouth and constantly check labels of all products. They would understand their own body metabolism and adjust the R-E-D accordingly. This is where any kind of nutrition supplementation comes in. Logic is very simple, If you are working  your ass off  in the gym and burning calories, then you need to put in enough fuel ( read protein, carbs and vitamins) for your body to be able to counter the effect of heavy workout. The motivation here is not to build a body for others, but for self preservation.

Category C : The Non-Gymmer;   this is the category who cant be bothered. they are too lazy or indifferent about themselves to bother looking towards a workout regime. They usually have excuses by the dozen, as to why, they cant work out, common one being, " too busy with work/studies" , physical disability or ailments, and of course nature of the job, bad experience etc . This Category normally is so far away from a fit body that they feel, no matter how much they work out, it will not be possible to get back to shape. Interestingly, most people in this category will also live in denial or on past glory ! " In my school days I used to be a Gymnast / cricketer/  long distance runner" .This category normally has huge beer bellies and body fat to make a hippo shy!! The only strong muscle they have is in their jaws !!

Category D : The Non-Conformist Preacher ;  This is the most dangerous category. These are guys have disdain for anything new or "western" as a concept. Their natural reaction is to look at everything with disdain and doubt the core philosophy. Not only will they reject the idea of a gym, they will also influence every body within their span of influence. This category normally preaches about the ill-effects and negatives without fair consideration and put the scare of God in all the fence sitters. They confirm to Kejriwal's philosophy of Anarchism!!

Finally, Not all food supplements out there are harmful.  It is multi-billion dollar industry world wide and huge amount of money and research have been spent on researching these products. Food supplementation as the name suggests is only to "supplement" dietary requirements that cannot be fulfilled by consumption of normal food. Nobody disputes the intake of "natural and organic" diet. However, if a person is going through a heavy workout and needs lets say 160 gms of protein supplementation, he would probably be required to have 30 eggs, or maybe 2 kgs of dal or maybe two -three whole chicken. This requirement can be easily supplemented by a protein Isolate powder. the reason despite "working-out" all day, ploughing fields the laborer does not develop bulging muscles, is because they probably do not get enough supplementation for the kind of nutrition their body requires. Look at the physique of the Kenyan long distance runners.

Like all products, there are several cheap imitations and harmful fakes out there in the market. These are normally aggressively marketed by smart marketers, who  mislead and trap the gullible "Category A" to by these products.

Bottom line “beware of marketers" .. What do you say ?

"every saint has a past & every sinner has a future"

The Gym Brigade - The Saint's Take !

Agreed , staying fit is a must, however i cannot comprehend the ‘bhed chaal’ of the mango man towards gym’s for this purpose.

My take on this.

Gyms prominently showcase images of body builders to appeal to the male psyche. Ask the women & they’ll tell you they just prefer ‘normal’ men who are fit. Their stress is on intellect & the more you gym the more braun you develop.

Most (middle class) gyms are in poorly ventilated basements, leading to cross infections on a high dose, since every one is perspiring & leaving behind a whole lot of biological residue through sweat, breath & saliva.

Every gym goer from day 1 is seen wasting a lot of time in front of a full sized mirror. He is either admiring himself or fantasizing about what will never be. It’s been researched & documented that not even 40% of joiners gym regularly over a year’s period.

Gyms advice the standard foods to one & all. Any doctor worth his salt will tell you that different foods react differently on different people. Brown bread & egg whites are currently in vogue. As a bakery chef I can’t get any more disgusted. For gods sake please bake a bread with ATTA at home and see its texture & color. Be careful while handling it. It may crush your toe if it falls. Hey ! how then are the commercial brown breads all so soft & so brown? Simple, they are made of just the regular maida + some bran & a lot of brown color. Yes, Brown color!!! The kinds that has its origins from something you use on a daily basis. Petroleum! So much for good health!!! 

In simple terms the local kirana man sees a sharp increase in brown bread consumption the moment a gym opens in his vicinity. Please observe that this ‘so called brown bread’ will inevitably be far more expensive than the regular loaf. Well it has to be. After all it has the gym instructors commissions incorporated into the pricing & also the marketing mans fees who concocted this nefarious scheme.

The same logic applies to the egg white story. OK! I had the whites. So what do I do with the yolks??? In an age where an egg costs a good Rs.6-8 a piece, how many can afford flushing it down. Nateeja, while you diet someone else in the house is fed the yolk. He/she goes on to bloat with the high cholesterol diet & over a few months/years hits the gym. Incremental business again. If you will care enough to google up the production of ‘unfertilized eggs’ (which most of us are forced to consume due to cost effectiveness & are actually the ones available at this price), you will be glad your body has withstood such prolonged abuse.

The best of them all however is the ‘protein shakes’ & ‘whey protein” prescriptions. As a qualified chef I find it difficult to identify food substances (on a daily basis) that are devoid of proteins. Why then do we need a 2 – 5 kg tin of some powder which we will never know what it is composed of. The best thing about them is every pharma whom you contact for this will only have large swanky tins which have a ‘made in usa’ or any other godforsaken country mentioned on it. Simply put it cannot be made in India. Its too complicated a formula to be cooked up here. Factually , you will not pay so much for an Indian product. If whey has so much protein, why not make it at home, have it and save the moolah?

Spare a moment and look around yourself. The lower strata of society neither can afford nor is bothered about whey proteins, they however seem to flaunt 6 packs if not all of 8. Bottom line, hard work wins over work-outs!

At times it takes a lifetime to understand, but a moment post realization you have changed your life altogether. 

What do you say? I am anxious to know your thoughts.